1. Teach children to listen… gently touch a child before you talk… say their name.

2. Speak in a quiet voice… whisper sometimes so children have to listen… they like this.

3. Look a child in the eyes so you can tell when they understand… bend or sit down… become the child’s size.

4. Practice listening and talking: talk with your family about what you see on TV, hear on the radio or see at the park or store. (Talk with your children about school and their friends.)

5. Respect children and use a courteous tone of voice. If we talk to our children as we would our friends, our youngsters may be more likely to seek us out as confidants.

6. Catch children and teens being good. Praise them for cooperating with you or their siblings, or for doing those little things that are so easy to take for granted.

7. Use door openers that invite children to say more about an incident or their feelings. “I see,” “Oh,” “tell me more,” “No kidding,” “Really,” “Mmmmhmmmmm,” “Say that again, I want to be sure I understand you.

8. Praise builds a child’s confidence and reinforces communication. Unkind words tear children down and teach them that they just aren’t good enough.

9. Children are never too old to be told they are loved. Saying “I love you” is important. Writing it in a note provides the child with a reminder that he can hold on to.

10. Give your undivided attention when your children want to talk to you. Don’t read, watch TV, fall asleep or make yourself busy with other tasks.

Parenting Pages from California Consortium To Prevent Child Abuse

Times have changed but here in 2011 we are still worrying about some of the same things we worried about in the 90′s, maybe even the 60′s or 70′s. Something that has not changed much in my opinion is raising our children. The bottom line is we want the very best for our children in all areas of life. Even though we may disagree with how we want our children to be educated early in life, we still agree that children need a good and strong foundation to start with. Children are our future. We have heard that time and time again. It is a true statement.

Who knows we may be raising the future president of the United States, or another Bill Gates. We as parents never know how our children will turn out or what they will become. We pray that they will be achievers and make a positive difference, but realistically we know that is not always the case. Parents you have to lay the foundation for your children and it must start as early as possible.

It starts when you have to make a decision as to who will take care of your young child or children when you have to work. Finding a childcare provider or a baby sitter that you can trust to instill some of the same values that you want your child to be raised with, is indeed a daunting task to say the least. The thought of leaving your child with someone you don’t know like the back of your hand is hard. Most times we don’t have a choice. We must find someone in order for us to work to pay the bills unless, we are fortunate enough to stay at home with our little ones until they are school age.

I remember the very first time I had to take my two years old to a preschool/daycare that was recommended to me. It was a preschool/daycare in a church and it had good reviews through word of mouth. When we got there on the first day, my heart was in my throat when my daughter started to cry and begged me not to leave her. I t was all I could do to hold back the tears myself and to encourage her to stay. I reassured her that she would have fun and I would pick her up when I finished work.

This is what parents have to go through, it is the worst thing in the world when you have realized you might have made a wrong choice and your child is not in good hands. That is why it is very important that you make sure you check out the provider or preschool/childcare center very carefully. Word of mouth is one of the best forms of reviews for childcare. Sometimes it is not enough and I don’t think that should be enough. Ask many questions until you are sure that is the right environment for your child. Observe the surroundings make sure there is a large enough yard for play and there is playground equipment. Some questions to keep in mind when you interview the potential daycare/preschool you are interested in for your small kids.

1. Find out what your child will be doing all day long (schedule)
2. What curriculum will be used (if formal teaching)
3. Do they toilet train (if needed)
4. Is lunch served (what type of lunch is it a balanced meal)
5. Snacks (what type and how many, are the snacks healthy)
6. Discipline (what happens when your child misbehaves what is done about it, type of discipline)
7. If child gets sick or an emergency (is parent called, emergency numbers over the phone? )
8. Child staff ratio (is it according to state requirements)
9. How long do they play (sufficient play time is important, especially outside)
10. How long do they sleep for nap time ( nap time no more than an hour)

(Elane Smith)

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• questions to ask when looking into preschool

Life can be dull or exciting, and who doesn’t want excitement in their lives? Roller coasters give us those feelings of thrills and excitement, because they move rapidly and seem to defy the laws of gravity at different points along the ride. We trust that those rides are safe, and they usually are, but every once in a while there is an accident that shows not everything can be controlled, no matter how careful people are. Exciting experiences come up against what we perceive as impossible to achieve or forbidden for reasons we may or may not know. That sense of excitement and thrill has a flip side of danger that people don’t always consider.

There are people we meet who excite us, who make us feel alive. We want more of them and what they bring to our lives. When we choose our friends, we see ourselves in them, caring and concern for us and our well-being, wanting the most for us. They give us certain types of love that we can’t find elsewhere and make us feel like we “fit in.” We have our “heroes,” either mythical characters like Batman or Superman, or people who have achieved recognition through sports, music, movies, or other occupations that the media covers unrelentingly.

Everyone wants to be important, to be recognized as unique, to have fame in the eyes of others. That is normal. We see that fame, but we don’t always see the dangerous or back side of it: loss of freedoms and safety, lack of privacy and personal identity, constantly having to be “on” in front of others and performing a role for which they have gained fame and fortune. They have gone beyond the limits, to some extent, and we want to experience the limitlessness for ourselves. Those experiences can be exhausting and depressing, but we never see that side of it.

Adolescents want to fit in, be like others, yet at the same time stand out and be important. That is the same as everyone else. But sometimes we look around and see that others have “more” than we do – more friends, more fun, more excitement, more freedom, more experiences. We envy them and want to be like them. But what is the cost?

Trouble Often Starts Out As Fun

Some teens have no curfews, have parents who don’t monitor everything they do or where they go, have exciting and thrilling experiences defying rules and regulations of school and community. Their activities may be “forbidden”: experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol, having sexual relationships, stealing and/or bullying others, having friends who go places far away without their parents. They challenge authority figures at home (parents), school (teachers and administrators), and in the community (police), yet they rarely pay any consequences for their activities. They get their thrills and excitement by challenging rules and laws and avoiding consequences. Their lives seem to have the fun that others’ lives lack.

But is it fun? Their relationships with parents are argumentative and combative. Their school performance is usually poor and they drop out of school early, drifting for many years. Eventually, they get caught somewhere or somehow doing something illegal and have no way of avoiding it. Police, employers, relatives or friends show them and everyone else what they are like. They then must face consequences of being homeless, being poor, being rejected by family members and those they once thought were friends, or even spending time in jail.

Everyone wants to have fun, but we need to learn to discriminate between good, clean fun and dangerous, exciting fun. We need to decide who and what we will be like. When you choose friends who often have trouble, you are saying you want the same trouble. Is that worth losing other relationships for? Only you can make that decision. (Jennifer Little, Ph.D.)

]]> http://www.babyko.info/how-to-spot-a-bad-influence.html/feed 0 http://www.babyko.info/raising-children-who-are-afraid-of-the-doctor.html http://www.babyko.info/raising-children-who-are-afraid-of-the-doctor.html#comments Sat, 24 Sep 2011 09:15:07 +0000 admin http://www.babyko.info/?p=159

Many small children and even older kids are petrified of going to see the doctor. Let’s face it; from the first few months of their lives children are getting poked, prodded and stuck with needles. A lot of kids recognize the white doctor’s coat and associate it with pain. Raising children that are fearful of doctors is difficult and can be downright frustrating but there are tips for parents that can help.

Make an Appointment for Yourself

Once you have realized that you are raising children who are afraid of going to the doctor’s office, you will need to use these tips for parents dealing with this problem. In some of the child development stages, kids are afraid of almost everything. It would be beneficial to your child and your family to work with your child to overcome his or her fears.

Many experts on raising children believe that one of the best tips for parents in this predicament should be to make a private appointment with the child’s pediatrician. During this appointment, you will need to let the doctor know that your child is afraid and ask his advice on how to make him more comfortable before and during the visit. Your doctor should offer advice that will help you to make your kids more amenable to visits to the doctor.

Have a Good Heart to Heart Talk

Parents who are raising children need to understand that communication is really important. Just talking to your kids oftentimes gives the parents a completely new insight into how the child is thinking and feeling. Talking on a one to one basis can help parents understand what their kids are going through.

Regardless of the child development stages, kids deal with anxiety. Unfortunately, anxiety is a part of every human being’s life. When you are raising children to be well adjusted people, the experts suggest that talking to your pediatrician and letting him know of your child’s fears will definitely help.

Play a Game of Let’s Pretend

Raising children can be incredibly challenging in every one of the child development stages. One of the best tips for parents dealing with kids who are afraid of doctors is to play a game of let’s pretend. This will help alleviate your child’s fears and let him know what will happen at the doctor’s office.

You can use a small flashlight to pretend to look into your child’s nose, ears and throat. Experts suggest that rubbing the child’s back when he needs to say Ah for the doctor to look in his throat helps. Do this at home to practice for the visit.

Wanted: Always Alive

Raising kids usually means making compromises. The experts rarely suggest rewarding behavior that is normal and expected however; enticing a child who has a real fear of going to the doctor is absolutely acceptable. Just don’t promise your child the world. Be realistic.

Simple and small rewards are a great way for parents raising children with real fears to get their kids to go to the doctor. A new coloring book and crayons is a great reward for getting into the doctor’s office exam room. This will keep your child’s mind occupied while waiting for the doctor.

Once the exam is over, you can reward your child with a special lunch, extra TV time or video time or even just a simple trip to the park or zoo. You can even have a “special gift” left at the doctor’s office for the pediatrician to give to your child at the end of the visit.

The U.S. the National Institute for Literacy states that children who do not read by the third grade often fail to catch up and are more likely to drop out of school and face other negative consequences. Reading is not only one of the most vital things we can learn as humans, but it can also be one of the more enjoyable. But illiteracy is not a rarity in America; it’s probably significantly more common than we’d like to think. In fact, a 2005 United States government study shows that over 20 percent of American adults are functionally illiterate.

Reading is arguably the most important skill children can learn in school. Indeed, it is one of the most important life skills any person can gain. Reading helps us learn things about life that are extremely essential. Reading can show us more about ourselves and others; it provides many hours of fun and entertainment. Reading helps us learn step by step instructions to do thousands of different things. Reading opens the door to writing which is also crucial. So what are some ways we can make sure that the children we love and care about learn this all-important skill?

1. One of the most important ways to encourage children to want to read is to read fun, quality books to them at their particular age-range or level of understanding.

2. Let children see you reading. If the only thing they see you do every evening is watching TV, then they’ll probably do the same.

3. Stay in contact with your children’s teachers. Find out how well they read or if they’re having problems. Ask if there’s anything they can do if one of your children needs extra help.

4. You know phonics. In fact, it’s most likely the way you learned to read. If you think your child is having trouble, start teaching them words using phonics. Once that light bulb goes on in their head, they will usually want to show off the words they’ve learned to pronounce.

5. Let your child read a book to you, and saturate him or her with praise. Give some sort of reward if your child reads a book to you. Then give a prize for every book your child reads. (Of course, you might have to ask what the story was about, just to make sure).

6. Find out the books that children cannot resist. Sometimes a child who hates reading suddenly begins to consume books because you’ve found the sort of stories or subject matter he or she loves.

Do not let your child or grandchild grow up without the gift of reading.